Did you see what she was wearing?'.... 'I heard that she married him only for his money and admitted that to her best friend Halima, who is my neighbour's sister in law and she told me'.

I watched the two ladies stood in the queue at the meat shop cackle away, my eyes bouncing from face to face like I was watching a tennis match.

It seemed that they wanted others to overhear their 'conversation' (so no I wasn't ear wigging!), but at the same time it appeared to me that they were each trying to outdo the other, in a sort of 'I know a bigger scandal than you' kind of way.

Even though what they were saying sounded almost absurd, it reminded me of Chinese whispers the Asian way (with our own mirch masala added), and it suddenly dawned on me that as a group we do gossip an awful lot.

But why? I'm not saying that I have a halo over my head because I know I don't, but there is gossip that is harmless and almost informative, and gossip that is toxic accumulating into false rumours and really wrecking lives.

I'm sure we all know of people who can make a living out of selling others scandals, but why would you want to rub someone else's unfortunate affairs in their face. What goes around comes around and its surprising how when the gossip queens themselves end up in a similar predicament they seem to expect others to sympathise with them and keep things a secret.

But everybody knows amongst us there are no secrets and the word soon gets out!

Don't think that men don't gossip, because I've discovered that there is a breed of gossip kings as well (rather like wolves dressed in sheep's clothing) and it's quite startling because I always envisaged men as being Kofi Anan type compromisers - obviously I was wrong.

After contemplating for a while I found that women gossip about other women, clothes and others lifestyles (usually people who are 'better' than them).

Men gossip about others business affairs and money (i.e. how Mr Patel has made his money illegitimately when the poor uncle has really worked his bald head off).

But what about the ill-fated person who is being talked about? I'm sure we've all heard rumours that have been circulating relating to people we know, and I'm sure they have been hurtful. So how do you retaliate?

My tried and tested formula is to keep your friends close but your enemies even closer . I might sound like a mafia queen, but it seems like the only sane thing to do.

So friends lets try to keep our toffee noses to ourselves shall we!