I am stuck in a horrible marriage. My husband is not a good man and an absent father.
He is controlling, manipulative, verbally abusive. He isn't physically abusive anymore. That stopped when I threatened to leave him.
It was an empty threat but part of him thought I might just carry it out.
But he has replaced the physical abuse with emotional abuse and passive aggressive behaviour.
I can't leave him though. It's simply not an option. The family, the community, the children, there's too much at stake.
I dread the sound of the key turning in the door when he comes home.
I feel sick when I see his face first thing in the morning.
The only way for me and the children to be free is if he were to die of natural causes. I have started having fantasies of him being killed in a car crash.
It would be the only way for me to not be with him and still retain dignity in front of family and external people.
I don't feel guilty about my thoughts. It has become a form of escapism for me, a coping mechanism.
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